Skip to main content

it's complicated.


One bad part of being an adult is that no one asks you if you can run faster in your new shoes.

Well, in case you're wondering, I'm pretty sure I can. Thanks for [not] asking. 
A couple of weeks ago I was having a very restless kind of day, so I ran for quite a while. And as I ran, I found myself waving and yelling “hello!” to every single person walking, sitting on their porch, or driving with their windows open. If you know me at all, you can probably guess that this is not normal for me. If you've ever walked or hiked with me, I can guarantee you're the person saying hello to the passersby, not me. 
This Stay Home, Stay Safe thing is doing weird stuff.

43 is the number of miles I've run since mid-March when the [Michigan] world started to shut down- I’ve had a lot of restless days. I'm not telling you about my mileage to brag. In fact, when my running tracker was like, "Wow! You've run this many miles!", for some reason, I had a bittersweet reaction. I realized my ability to run is directly correlated to the fact that I have time. In fact, I really have very little else to do. I have enough daylight (which is my usual issue when it comes to finding time to run in normal life) and I have enough energy.  I like running and I've probably never been stronger. But I would give up this ability to run at any time of the day to be with my kids at school. To be at my church. To go on a hike or get coffee with friends. To see my friends' babies that are growing up so quickly.
I'm thankful for all this time I have to run and do things I don't normally have time to do.
But I wish I could be back to what seems like a more fulfilling way of life, when I had to block out time in my day to run.
But I'm thankful.
But I wish.
But I'm thankful.
It's complicated.
I hope that some things will go back to normal. My job, my friends, community, coffee shops (please Lord, the coffee shops). I also hope that I don't lose the desire to smile in someone's direction to make them feel more comfortable. I hope that the drive I have to help and be involved in my community doesn't go away. I hope that I won't take face-to-face interactions or the ability to go places freely for granted.
As I endure and strengthen my character, I gain a little more hope every day. And hope does not disappoint, because God is with me.

Confession: In true Princess Diaries form, I look back at all I’ve written and think: “And then I realized how many stupid times a day I used the word ‘I’… and how lame is that when there’s, like, 7 billion other people on the planet…” 
So, here is something for you:

As you endure and strengthen your character, you gain a little more hope every day. And hope does not disappoint, because God is with you.
We can be thankful and hope for something better.
And that about sums it up. Stay strong.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Pilate and I.

Every Easter, the same story is told. Yet every year, despite myself, I see something new. Sometimes I'm pretty sure it slaps me across the face: Source: RossRightAngle So when Pilate saw that he was gaining nothing, but rather that a riot was beginning, he took water and washed his hands before the crowd, saying, “I am innocent of this man’s blood; see to it yourselves.” And all the people answered, “His blood be on us and on our children!” Then he released for them Barabbas, and having scourged Jesus, delivered him to be crucified. There's a reason those words stuck out to me, so let me rewind. I work with what I generally refer to as a "group of wily fifth graders" in an after school childcare center. Unless you work closely with ten year olds, there's no way to understand: 1) How funny they are, 2) How irrational they can be, 3) How much they lack the big picture of... mostly anything. A good portion of my education has been centered in child develo...

true confessions.

I have a confession to make: I've been a closet-blogger for years. Yep. Started when I was in high school. I wrote about things like being the sister of an autistic brother, my faith, and trying to be a comic of the written word. Always in a private blog that no one could see. If we're going to be honest, I don't write to impress or impact other people. Really. I just write because if I don't, as Jon Acuff so eloquently put, my head and heart will explode (trust me: I've come close a few times). I have documents and documents of unorganized thoughts that came to be because I couldn't think any more; I had to write. But I've decided to bring myself into the public blogging realm, just because I need to stretch myself. If I'm spending all this time writing things (and always trying to make it perfect, thank you analytical brain), I may as well post it for the world to see. I know that I've been inspired by blogs of people who didn't think an...

three things that confuse me.

I'm often confused by things that are apparently normal in life. Here are three random things that confuse me: Copyright... Me. 1. Beaches. When I was five I told my grandma, "I love the beach. All except the sand." To this day I prefer to wear tennis shoes to the beach so that I don't lose any appendages on the way down the fire-hot sand. Plus, your reward for making it to the water is a freezing cold swim and an inevitable sunburn (at least for a white girl like me). Most people are saying, "I can't wait for summer so we can go to the beach and have fun!" And I'm over here thinking, "Well, I guess it's time again to practice for the beach by walking barefoot over hot coals." I just don't understand it. But I will say this for beaches: they are beautiful. Copyright: Dallas News 2. Malls on a Saturday. What is the appeal of crushing crowds and pushy salesmen? One day recently I went to go see a movie - on a Sat...